Winter's Last Hurrah

March, 2003

They were pleasant spring days, in which the winter of man's discontent was thawing as well as the earth, and the life that had lain torpid began to stretch itself.

Thoreau

Wednesday, March 5

Journalling has again been the victim of circumstance. I'll blame it on Mike and Dany who were here for a week. We had a great visit. We got 25 to 30 centimetres of snow on Saturday, their second day here, which was just what they were hoping for. Actually, it was, I believe, the heaviest single snowfall we have gotten all winter. I even got out the snowshoes to go down the drive to shovel it out. Fortunately, Sean was out with his snowblower and came over to do my drive as well. I was thankful as there was over 4 feet of snow where the plough had been by.

Mike and Dany spent most of the time out walking, tobogganing, building a quinzee etc. I cooked a turkey on Monday. During their stay we had spaghetti, of course, corn beef boiled dinner, and curry chicken which was lacking in curry. Had home-baked muffins every morning for breakfast. Oh, and I baked a pie. We also drank a fair bit of beer and wine. In fact I only have three bottles of wine left so went in yesterday and started a new batch. Also got batches of Stout and Munich dark lager so I should be all set for quite some time.

It snowed last night and most of today so we have another perhaps 20 cm on the ground. Temperatures have been up and down like a yo-yo. Last Friday, Saturday and Sunday were like spring but then it was down to -30 Monday night, cold all day today and it is warm at -4°C again. Crazy!

I have made bread and cookies so far this week. Evening and some mornings have been carving shit-on-a-stick. Actually I started the day before Mike and Dany arrived. I ended up ordering a good quality beginning carver's set from Lee Valley which arrived within 24 hours of ordering it. Wish I’d started doing this in November – would have been something to do during the long evenings although lack of light might have been a problem.

Speaking of light, my solar panels are doing a great job now that we're getting more sun – power to burn on many days. I’m thinking some supplemental wind power might be good for mid-October to late January when power was hard to come by.

Apparently March break starts today. I kind of miss the excitement of the last day of school before a break. It was always a sign that the end of the year was in sight as well – just don't have all those markers in my life now. Oh well, as I like to say, I'll manage.

...

About 11:30 PM the phone rang and it was Doug Taylor. His opening line was “I know this is an ungodly hour to be phoning but…" Right on Doug, it was an ungodly hour! He may be working midnights but I'm not. Anyway he called to report on the teepee cover estimate he got for me for which he did go out of his way for so I forgive him calling when he did. The cheapest price was approaching $600 and that's just for the canvas – no sewing or anything. So much for that idea. It would be cheaper to buy the one from Montana. The 12 foot untreated cover is US $320, 12 foot marine cover is $408.25 so we're talking $600 Canadian. And that includes steaks, ropes, door cover, lacing, and storage bay. Everything but the poles in fact. There's shipping of course and duties. I did order a book on outdoor living which Doug recommended so I will wait and see what that has for ideas before moving on anything.

You've Changed

Reflections 8

You’ve Changed

So thoroughly and sincerely are we compelled to live, reverencing our life, and denying the possibility of change. This is the only way, we say; but there are as many ways as there can be drawn radii from one centre. All change is a miracle to contemplate; but it is a miracle which is taking place every instant. 

Thoreau

“You’ve changed.” 

To say that these words, spoken by my wife Val as I was exiting the car in our driveway, took me by surprise would be understating it. Thinking back now, some fifteen years later, Val's insight was unexpected yes, but it was also an affirmation. She had said out loud what I already knew but had failed to consciously acknowledge to myself. I had undergone a profound, life altering experience.

The year was 1998 and I had just returned from my first Buddhist retreat. Having never experienced anything like it before, I had no idea what I was getting into. I really had no exposure to Buddhist teachings other than what I’d read. Time on the cushion had been sporadic and of short duration. But I yearned for more and a brief search on the internet turned up this retreat which, incidentally, was quite close to Bancroft. I only knew that the topics which were the basis of the retreat, the Buddhist concept of sunyata, somewhat simplistically defined as emptiness, and its relationship to space and the cosmos were enough to convince me to take the plunge. 

...

On the final day, as I was placing my luggage in the car and the other participants were gathering to close out the week, I had a sudden and irresistible urge to get in the car and head for home. The thought of that final gathering held no appeal for me. In fact, I had this notion that it might detract from the state of elation I was experiencing. If I simply got in the car that very moment and drove off, I knew I could carry the mood with me. 

My memory of the drive home, although lacking in details, stood in stark contrast to the drive up which was coloured with apprehension and uncertainty about the upcoming week. And now, here I was relaxed and filled with pure joy, a changed person. The next clear memory I have was of exiting the car in our driveway, looking up to see Val coming out to greet me and hearing those words.

...

Fast forward to 2002 and there I was, immersed in nature, experiencing almost daily that same feeling of wonder and awe. I am reminded that those experiences were transformative, that they initiated in me a change in the way I experienced the world, a change in my place in the grand scheme of things. Imagine the possibilities. If one week had brought about such a noticeable change what might happen when I was actually living it every day?

The major difference was that this time I had only one teacher, nature herself, omnipresent, her influence dependent only on my willingness to maintain an open mind and an un-critical acceptance of her offerings. 

True Nature

This is a piece I chose to share with my writing group in our final meeting yesterday. It's still a little rough and is only about half the original section in my book but thought I'd throw it out there anyway.

True Nature

That man who does not believe that each day contains an earlier, more sacred, and auroral hour than he has yet profaned, has despaired of life, and is pursuing a descending and darkening way.

Thoreau

Throughout this memoir a number of recurring and related themes presented themselves; a sense of wonder and awe, fleeting moments of pure bliss, an awareness that all life is connected and interdependent.  

…

The unifying theme of my journey is based on that sense of wonder that visits each of us from time to time. During those few months when I inhabited my little piece of paradise, I cannot say that a sense of wonder was my constant companion, but she did visit more frequently than ever before, almost on a daily basis, for the entire time. Not a constant companion, because her visits are, by their very nature, all too fleeting. The mere act of recognition and the subsequent urge to hold on to those moments and rejoice in their presence sends her on her way again. Whether it be a snowflake gently floating on the air, the beauty of the night sky, the swaying branches of a white pine in a gentle breeze or the sweetly scented air after a spring rain, these experiences defy description, mere words do not and cannot do them justice. The experience has to be just that ‘an experience’ but please know that it was the anticipation of such experiences that initially lured me there and, once there, enriched my experience immeasurably.

 …

But what are the insights to be ganed now that I am able to look back with the advantage of hindsight? Did I come out of my experience a changed person, a better person? The answer to both questions is a definitive “yes”.

Oh, I’m still the same introverted optimist with many of the same faults and strengths I’ve always had. What changed was not so much this me, this introverted optimist. Rather, I gained a new awareness of what it means to be an integral part of the world I live in. And that is no small feat. By meeting the daily challenges of a back to basics lifestyle I gained a new self confidence and assuredness.

More importantly, on a spiritual level, I came out of the experience with a new awareness of something I’d been seeking my entire adult life, a sense of belonging, of being a part of the cosmic consciousness. Ironically, by seeking solitude in isolation, I became more connected. In my attempt to separate myself from the insane goings on of this crazy world, the same one that had taken from me what mattered most, my wife, I ended up feeling closer to every one and every thing.

If there is one thing which I have carried away from the experience, it is the realization that all of these occurences throughout my life were glimpses into the true nature of things. The seventeen months and the subsequent looking back at the experience have brought an awareness to my conscious mind of just how important they are to my spiritual development.

Is it any wonder then that my chosen path for this chapter in my life was to immerse myself in the natural world, to make a home far removed from the glass and concrete and pavement that are our cities? If I was to find true joy and directly experience life at it’s most basic level, if I was to rediscover that same wonder and sense of belonging and oneness with everything that have visited me on previous occasions, then this would be the time and the place to do it.

New Wheels

Saturday, March 29

Journalling is suffering again. No excuse this time really except to say that it’s been an absolutely splendid week. Spent most of every day working around here. I cleaned up quite a bit around the house now that the snow is gone. Tuesday I bottled both batches of beer and I am very pleased with the taste of both of them. Also worked on the shed. Put the old window, removed from the house, in the west side, removed the door and am putting it to the left of where it was and making it wider. No problem starting the generator after the winter. Glad for that.

The driveway continues to be problematic. The spot where I dumped ashes melted most quickly such that there are many bare areas. But there are also many icy areas. Last night I arrived home about 7:40 PM and as it was dark and had been raining all day it was impossible to walk up the first 20 feet of driveway. I ended up pulling myself up along the edge with the help of the trees. After that I managed to find enough bare spots to struggle up the rest of the drive unaided.

Yesterday I drove to Sudbury and back. While there for about two hours, I bought a 1982 R100 RT BMW with sidecar attached for $8250. It's a nice rig and I felt quite at home sitting on it. Molly sat in the sidecar with only some minor coaching. This morning I saw a 1981 for 6800 US! I think I did okay price-wise. Now all I have to do is learn to ride it. The previous owner, Allison, is going to deliver it on April 12 and give me some lessons at that time. Also she already provided me with a manual about riding with a sidecar. It's from the US and is used in courses there. It's pretty scary but I'm sure I'll adapt fairly quickly.

The idea to buy a side car is something I dreamed up just recently and was set in motion by the arrival of spring and thoughts of riding again. The thing is, every time I went for a ride last summer and fall, I felt a strong sense of guilt because I had to leave Molly behind. Of course she made matters worse because she would know when I reached for my helmut or riding gear that she was about to be abandoned and her body language - ears pulled back, head down, body slouched and the ultimate plea, those big brown beautiful eyes looking at me as if to say “ Please don’t leave me here all alone.” kind of took the fun out of riding. So, I really had no choice in the matter.

The other news is that the spring is going full tilt today, it's up to the level it was at last year at this time so now because I dug the hole there's water at its origin.

Balls & Brass Monkeys

Saturday, February 15

Staying warm has been a challenge this past week with temperatures dipping to  -30°C or colder every night. Daytime temperatures have been in mid teens. It has, however, been sunny every day whci means that I have an excess of power. I am using a fair bit of wood trying to keep the place warm however.

Chuck, Ben and Bridget arrived on Tuesday but just stayed the one night. Chuck needed some film footage for school – at least that was the excuse. I think he just wanted a reason to come up, and maybe to show the place to Ben and Bridget. Ben provided the transportation but Bridget had no legitimate reason to take two days off of school except to come along for the ride. She's a cute kid, very shy and although Chuck said they weren’t an item I'm not sure I believe him.

We did some shooting, Chuck facing backwards on the Skidoo, while I drove. Unfortunately the camera froze up pretty quickly so he didm’t get much footage.

Anyway, it was nice to have them up. I made a big pot of chilli but they didn't eat any of it so I've been eating nothing else all week. Finally finished it off last night.

Lisa phoned from Fort Lauderdale, Florida Thursday night. Sounds like she's enjoying herself. The temperature was 80°F ( +22º C) when she called. It was -22º C here. Strange as it may seem, Im not the least bit envious. I am quite content to be here freezing my butt off.

On our morning walk I built a fire at the lean-to to relax for a while. I think Molly even enjoyed it. The bows made for a comfortable lie down and the fire kept us quite warm. 

Yesterday I started gathering up poles to build a teepee.

On the Art of Walking

Reflections 12

Walking

I have met with but one or two persons in the course of my life who understood the art of Walking, that is, of taking walks…

Thoreau, Walking

It only seems appropriate that since Molly and I spent so much of our time walking in the bush that I devote a chapter to this activity. After all, Thoreau dedicated a whole book to the topic. He also goes on at great length about his preference for the word saunter over walk and I must say I am in full agreement with him for it has the added connotation of leisure as in the phrase ‘a leisurely walk’. For me, a saunter is more about the journey, the goal or end point being of only secondary importance.

There are countless facets to the art of walking which relegate it to an elevated place among the wide range of choices for getting from point A to point B. Unlike many other modes of moving about, it requires no specialized equipment aside from comfortable foot-ware and even that is unnecessary in the right circumstances. Neither does it require any special training. Walking is clean, nonpolluting, silent and leaves no destructive wake in its path. It takes its time. A saunter in the bush allows the walker to move slowly, unhurried, to intimately bond with the very vegetation of the place. Frequent pauses come naturally. Every part of the body, heart, lungs, bones and muscle benefit.

...

During my time in Bancroft, it was through my daily walks that I came to know intimately every tree and fallen log and bend in the meandering trails I’d hewn. Trails through new growth and old, up and down the steepest hills where a handhold or two was needed to stop from sliding back down to the bottom. Trails where the sun’s rays were often banished by the dense canopy of stately conifers, or the dappled light where the softwoods dominated, or breaking free of the trees altogether to find the eyes assaulted by the blinding light of the open meadows intensified by the reflection of the snow-covered ground below.

It was such a delight to walk these trails on a daily basis. The best days were those that followed a dusting of freshly fallen snow when everything including the air was fresh and clean. Days when countless tracks since the last snowfall, both mine and those of the animals of the night, had been erased to be replaced by those of a single night telling a much simpler and more readable story of these creatures and their habits. Unlike myself, these same creatures seldom took advantage of my trails except to cross them from time to time. No, they had their own intricate network of byways weaving in and out of the thicker and more protective undergrowth. 

Walks in the warmer months, although enjoyable, lacked the narrative aspects of a winter walk when I might happen upon a small opening entirely covered in hare tracks, all from the previous evening giving me pause to stop and consider just what business they had there. Was it some sort of social gathering or ritual, a celebration perhaps? Were they simply frolicking with delight in the new-fallen snow? Was it some sort of mating ritual? I had no idea why they chose to gather as they did, but I often paused to speculate and wonder what it would be like to witness one of these gatherings as it was taking place under the light of a full moon. I believe it would be truly magical.

It was also on these daily walks that I felt closest to my surroundings. No matter what the previous night had been like, a walk in this wintry wonderland never failed to raise my spirits. With every breath filling the lungs with the crisp fresh air, troubles seemed to melt away and life was always good. 

Of course every walk, whether it be two kilometres or twenty, had to come to an end. But the joy of arriving back at the cabin, the wood stove kicking out the welcoming warmth as if to say, “Welcome back.” Then to grab a hot cup of coffee or tea kept warm in my absence on the stove top, put my feet up and dote upon how fortunate I was to be living the good life.

Over the Hump

Sunday, February 2

Have now left January behind us, which, in my mind at least, puts us over the hump where winter is concerned. As if to emphasize the point, Friday turned mild, hovering around 0°C. Just a temporary reprieve however as it is to get progressively colder over the week, -25° and colder. Oh well, only one more month of potentially extreme cold and then it will be March. It's been very pleasant in the house the last couple of nights, even when the fire goes out it's still reasonably comfortable. I got an email from Larry Monger this morning; he has prostate cancer and is having surgery on Tuesday at two. I happened to pick up Thich Naht Han’s “The Miracle of Mindfulness” and was drawn to one chapter on setting aside the whole day for mindfulness practice so think I'll do that on Tuesday and then sit at two and do powa for Larry, also lovingkindness and tonglen practice. It can't hurt. 

I am currently sporting a sizeable cut on my brow above and just to the right of my nose. Yesterday I was adding some boughs to the lean-to I've been working on and a protruding branch caught me on the brow. After the initial reaction in which I let go with a string of curses that would put a sailor to shame, I thought nothing of it until I noticed blood dripping from my face. Turns out there was a fair bit of it so I put some snow on it for a couple of minutes and then carried on with the job at hand. When I got back to the cabin to examine my wound it looked pretty bad and probably could have used a couple of stitches. By this time it was quite swollen so I washed it again and applied some antiseptic. Started bleeding in bed last night but seems okay now. I might get a scar out of this one! 

Started a second lean-to beside the first this morning, the two of them make a V-shape. Also lugged a grill there so I can build a proper fire once everything is set up. Might be fun to spend the night at some point, preferably when the temperature has moderated some.