True Nature

This is a piece I chose to share with my writing group in our final meeting yesterday. It's still a little rough and is only about half the original section in my book but thought I'd throw it out there anyway.

True Nature

That man who does not believe that each day contains an earlier, more sacred, and auroral hour than he has yet profaned, has despaired of life, and is pursuing a descending and darkening way.

Thoreau

Throughout this memoir a number of recurring and related themes presented themselves; a sense of wonder and awe, fleeting moments of pure bliss, an awareness that all life is connected and interdependent.  

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The unifying theme of my journey is based on that sense of wonder that visits each of us from time to time. During those few months when I inhabited my little piece of paradise, I cannot say that a sense of wonder was my constant companion, but she did visit more frequently than ever before, almost on a daily basis, for the entire time. Not a constant companion, because her visits are, by their very nature, all too fleeting. The mere act of recognition and the subsequent urge to hold on to those moments and rejoice in their presence sends her on her way again. Whether it be a snowflake gently floating on the air, the beauty of the night sky, the swaying branches of a white pine in a gentle breeze or the sweetly scented air after a spring rain, these experiences defy description, mere words do not and cannot do them justice. The experience has to be just that ‘an experience’ but please know that it was the anticipation of such experiences that initially lured me there and, once there, enriched my experience immeasurably.

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But what are the insights to be ganed now that I am able to look back with the advantage of hindsight? Did I come out of my experience a changed person, a better person? The answer to both questions is a definitive “yes”.

Oh, I’m still the same introverted optimist with many of the same faults and strengths I’ve always had. What changed was not so much this me, this introverted optimist. Rather, I gained a new awareness of what it means to be an integral part of the world I live in. And that is no small feat. By meeting the daily challenges of a back to basics lifestyle I gained a new self confidence and assuredness.

More importantly, on a spiritual level, I came out of the experience with a new awareness of something I’d been seeking my entire adult life, a sense of belonging, of being a part of the cosmic consciousness. Ironically, by seeking solitude in isolation, I became more connected. In my attempt to separate myself from the insane goings on of this crazy world, the same one that had taken from me what mattered most, my wife, I ended up feeling closer to every one and every thing.

If there is one thing which I have carried away from the experience, it is the realization that all of these occurences throughout my life were glimpses into the true nature of things. The seventeen months and the subsequent looking back at the experience have brought an awareness to my conscious mind of just how important they are to my spiritual development.

Is it any wonder then that my chosen path for this chapter in my life was to immerse myself in the natural world, to make a home far removed from the glass and concrete and pavement that are our cities? If I was to find true joy and directly experience life at it’s most basic level, if I was to rediscover that same wonder and sense of belonging and oneness with everything that have visited me on previous occasions, then this would be the time and the place to do it.