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Friday, April 18, 2014

Winter's Last Hurrah

March, 2003


They were pleasant spring days, in which the winter of man's discontent was thawing as well as the earth, and the life that had lain torpid began to stretch itself.
Thoreau


Wednesday, March 5

Journalling has again been the victim of circumstance. I'll blame it on Mike and Dany who were here for a week. We had a great visit. We got 25 to 30 centimetres of snow on Saturday, their second day here, which was just what they were hoping for. Actually, it was, I believe, the heaviest single snowfall we have gotten all winter. I even got out the snowshoes to go down the drive to shovel it out. Fortunately, Sean was out with his snowblower and came over to do my drive as well. I was thankful as there was over 4 feet of snow where the plough had been by.

Mike and Dany spent most of the time out walking, tobogganing, building a quinzee etc. I cooked a turkey on Monday. During their stay we had spaghetti, of course, corn beef boiled dinner, and curry chicken which was lacking in curry. Had home-baked muffins every morning for breakfast. Oh, and I baked a pie. We also drank a fair bit of beer and wine. In fact I only have three bottles of wine left so went in yesterday and started a new batch. Also got batches of Stout and Munich dark lager so I should be all set for quite some time.

It snowed last night and most of today so we have another perhaps 20 cm on the ground. Temperatures have been up and down like a yo-yo. Last Friday, Saturday and Sunday were like spring but then it was down to -30 Monday night, cold all day today and it is warm at -4°C again. Crazy!

I have made bread and cookies so far this week. Evening and some mornings have been carving shit-on-a-stick. Actually I started the day before Mike and Dany arrived. I ended up ordering a good quality beginning carver's set from Lee Valley which arrived within 24 hours of ordering it. Wish I’d started doing this in November – would have been something to do during the long evenings although lack of light might have been a problem.

Speaking of light, my solar panels are doing a great job now that we're getting more sun – power to burn on many days. I’m thinking some supplemental wind power might be good for mid-October to late January when power was hard to come by.

Apparently March break starts today. I kind of miss the excitement of the last day of school before a break. It was always a sign that the end of the year was in sight as well – just don't have all those markers in my life now. Oh well, as I like to say, I'll manage.

...


About 11:30 PM the phone rang and it was Doug Taylor. His opening line was “I know this is an ungodly hour to be phoning but…" Right on Doug, it was an ungodly hour! He may be working midnights but I'm not. Anyway he called to report on the teepee cover estimate he got for me for which he did go out of his way for so I forgive him calling when he did. The cheapest price was approaching $600 and that's just for the canvas – no sewing or anything. So much for that idea. It would be cheaper to buy the one from Montana. The 12 foot untreated cover is US $320, 12 foot marine cover is $408.25 so we're talking $600 Canadian. And that includes steaks, ropes, door cover, lacing, and storage bay. Everything but the poles in fact. There's shipping of course and duties. I did order a book on outdoor living which Doug recommended so I will wait and see what that has for ideas before moving on anything.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

You've Changed

Reflections 8

You’ve Changed


So thoroughly and sincerely are we compelled to live, reverencing our life, and denying the possibility of change. This is the only way, we say; but there are as many ways as there can be drawn radii from one centre. All change is a miracle to contemplate; but it is a miracle which is taking place every instant. 
Thoreau


“You’ve changed.” 

To say that these words, spoken by my wife Val as I was exiting the car in our driveway, took me by surprise would be understating it. Thinking back now, some fifteen years later, Val's insight was unexpected yes, but it was also an affirmation. She had said out loud what I already knew but had failed to consciously acknowledge to myself. I had undergone a profound, life altering experience.

The year was 1998 and I had just returned from my first Buddhist retreat. Having never experienced anything like it before, I had no idea what I was getting into. I really had no exposure to Buddhist teachings other than what I’d read. Time on the cushion had been sporadic and of short duration. But I yearned for more and a brief search on the internet turned up this retreat which, incidentally, was quite close to Bancroft. I only knew that the topics which were the basis of the retreat, the Buddhist concept of sunyata, somewhat simplistically defined as emptiness, and its relationship to space and the cosmos were enough to convince me to take the plunge. 

...

On the final day, as I was placing my luggage in the car and the other participants were gathering to close out the week, I had a sudden and irresistible urge to get in the car and head for home. The thought of that final gathering held no appeal for me. In fact, I had this notion that it might detract from the state of elation I was experiencing. If I simply got in the car that very moment and drove off, I knew I could carry the mood with me. 

My memory of the drive home, although lacking in details, stood in stark contrast to the drive up which was coloured with apprehension and uncertainty about the upcoming week. And now, here I was relaxed and filled with pure joy, a changed person. The next clear memory I have was of exiting the car in our driveway, looking up to see Val coming out to greet me and hearing those words.

...

Fast forward to 2002 and there I was, immersed in nature, experiencing almost daily that same feeling of wonder and awe. I am reminded that those experiences were transformative, that they initiated in me a change in the way I experienced the world, a change in my place in the grand scheme of things. Imagine the possibilities. If one week had brought about such a noticeable change what might happen when I was actually living it every day?


The major difference was that this time I had only one teacher, nature herself, omnipresent, her influence dependent only on my willingness to maintain an open mind and an un-critical acceptance of her offerings. 

Sunday, April 13, 2014

True Nature

This is a piece I chose to share with my writing group in our final meeting yesterday. It's still a little rough and is only about half the original section in my book but thought I'd throw it out there anyway.

True Nature


That man who does not believe that each day contains an earlier, more sacred, and auroral hour than he has yet profaned, has despaired of life, and is pursuing a descending and darkening way.
Thoreau


Throughout this memoir a number of recurring and related themes presented themselves; a sense of wonder and awe, fleeting moments of pure bliss, an awareness that all life is connected and interdependent.  


The unifying theme of my journey is based on that sense of wonder that visits each of us from time to time. During those few months when I inhabited my little piece of paradise, I cannot say that a sense of wonder was my constant companion, but she did visit more frequently than ever before, almost on a daily basis, for the entire time. Not a constant companion, because her visits are, by their very nature, all too fleeting. The mere act of recognition and the subsequent urge to hold on to those moments and rejoice in their presence sends her on her way again. Whether it be a snowflake gently floating on the air, the beauty of the night sky, the swaying branches of a white pine in a gentle breeze or the sweetly scented air after a spring rain, these experiences defy description, mere words do not and cannot do them justice. The experience has to be just that ‘an experience’ but please know that it was the anticipation of such experiences that initially lured me there and, once there, enriched my experience immeasurably.
 

But what are the insights to be ganed now that I am able to look back with the advantage of hindsight? Did I come out of my experience a changed person, a better person? The answer to both questions is a definitive “yes”.

Oh, I’m still the same introverted optimist with many of the same faults and strengths I’ve always had. What changed was not so much this me, this introverted optimist. Rather, I gained a new awareness of what it means to be an integral part of the world I live in. And that is no small feat. By meeting the daily challenges of a back to basics lifestyle I gained a new self confidence and assuredness.

More importantly, on a spiritual level, I came out of the experience with a new awareness of something I’d been seeking my entire adult life, a sense of belonging, of being a part of the cosmic consciousness. Ironically, by seeking solitude in isolation, I became more connected. In my attempt to separate myself from the insane goings on of this crazy world, the same one that had taken from me what mattered most, my wife, I ended up feeling closer to every one and every thing.


If there is one thing which I have carried away from the experience, it is the realization that all of these occurences throughout my life were glimpses into the true nature of things. The seventeen months and the subsequent looking back at the experience have brought an awareness to my conscious mind of just how important they are to my spiritual development.


Is it any wonder then that my chosen path for this chapter in my life was to immerse myself in the natural world, to make a home far removed from the glass and concrete and pavement that are our cities? If I was to find true joy and directly experience life at it’s most basic level, if I was to rediscover that same wonder and sense of belonging and oneness with everything that have visited me on previous occasions, then this would be the time and the place to do it.